Life of a Lab Rat

Now, normally I agree with a lot of what you have to say here, and that posting on labelling bottles really touched my inner ... bits. But in terms of jobs where outward signs of stress or emotion are a weakness, I would say that many, many other jobs are worse than that of a scientist.

While I would never say that my time spent in the lab was carefree, I can say that a fair degree of quarter was given should personal things get in the way. Certainly, if a holiday was planned, then you could be pretty secure in the knowledge that you would get to go.

In marketing agency work, it's a totally different scenario. There is a near macho obsession with a long hours culture, time off is scrutinised, and should you, heaven forbid, book a holiday or even something as simple as invite a friend over for dinner, you can bet your arse that a client demand will arise. The suggestion that things could be done differently to avoid awkard cancellations in one's personal life are often met with a raised eyebrow and mutterings among the rest of the team. To qualify this statemtnet, I have to say that the compamny that I work for has changed dramatically over recent months and we are all much more aware of the benefits of a work/life balance. However, it does not detract from the fact that every year I book a ski holiday in France and every year someone comes to see me two weeks before and asks me if I could at all possibly cancel it please because Client X wants me to go to Prague to do a meeting and Dave/Steve/Roger (delete as appropriate) is too "stacked out" to do it himself.

Quite why I am getting into setting up a rock band that might have booked gigs at weekends is beyond me.

Oh, to put that last post into context, I do still feel for you. Kids add a whole other dimension to life and if you add those to work, then there is little time for one's self. I realise that I am missing out in many senses by not having kids, but on the plus side, there is this degree of committment and unpredictability that I don't have to factor in - my job gives me all of that in spades!

Nice whiffle, Nige.

But

"There is a near macho obsession with a long hours culture, time off is scrutinised"

is equally applicable to most of the labs I've worked in. And it is not because of interfering humans, but to get *anywhere* in science you have to sacrifice your own time to do the damn' experiments. Cells do not stop growing over the weekends. The Americans, bless 'em, do not stop working over the weekends.

See http://forums.lablit.com/viewtopic.php?t=268 for two different views of the same culture.

(No, I'm not going to get into a 'my conditions are worse than yours' dick-size war with you Nigel, but I will note our comparative salaries. . .)

I also meant to add that when my Dad was nearly killed (knocked off his motorcycle by some dumb farmer in a JCB) my supervisor at the time said 'go! family is more important' even though I was supposed to be writing up a thesis.

Well, I'm actually just dawdling. I was told by everyone to take as much time as I need. But I actually need limits. People are asking things of me because not all of them are aware that I've lost someone I care for. And that's just as well, it's how I'll plug back in. It's just I worry a little because how I feel now (I could give a shit but I'm a little guilty nonetheless) resembles how I felt when I went through a depression a number of years back. I know bereavement and depression are associated, I'll give it some time, but I just want to blow everything off. And I must say, the real pressure to get back to normal and perform again is coming from myself.
When I see the wailing, mourning people on TV, I only think that I have it pretty good. But putting things in perspective doesn't usually help much; I realized that many years ago. Thanks for the

Aw, *(!@&. Just lost a nice long comment. Well, I just wanted to add that in my own case, I think the most pressure to get back to normal and perform is coming from myself; I don't want to disappoint and can't help putting things into perspective when I see mourning people on TV, even if they're more vocal than I get to be. I'd rather be me all the same. I bet you they still have to get dinner on the table for their remaining kids.

I agree with you BK. The "need" to be in lab stupidly long hours, skip vacations etc. just to prove how "manly" and "into it" you are is really soul destroying. It helped destroy my marriage. I can't imagine how hard it must be with kids in tow too...

Aw! I want my 'dick-war'!

Oh, I just spotted the title of this thread. That's capo the 3rd fret and play open chord shapes for C Cadd9 Am C/G then F G for the chorus. Enjoy.

I found one of the more unexpected phenomena of losing someone is that you tend to make really crap decisions and do stupid, sometimes quite irrational things without realising. sometimes major things. often for years afterwards. and only afterwards do you go - but I would never usually do that, or think that was a good idea.

a friend of mine says she has a rule of thumb to excuse people for making crap decision and doing stupid things for 7 years after the death of someone they love. it seems about right.

oh cr@p, I just did what I thought I never would.

I didn't lose someone. they died. simple as. I've never liked the platitude of 'losing' someone. it's not like you left them at the bus stop.

or am I being a bit harsh?

Does sound a bit Wilde . . .

Well, you might have left them at the bus stop so they got run over, or left them on a train so they died of starvation (food for sale on trains being what it is)... but generally, no, it's not losing.

It's especially not losing if (as was in the news recently) you keep the deceased around... for months. After all, perhaps she's just sleeping *really deeply*.