Life of a Lab Rat

Hoo hoo! Here's a good one.

I wonder how many others at USyd and elsewhere received an email from one Dumitru Pavel, of Romania? He has published what he rather modestly claims to be a "very important scientific paper" and wants me to read it. The paper is "an original scientific work", so original in fact that it "does not include any bibliography or references". It is published in the well-known and respected Journal of Experimental Therapeutics and Oncology, which is already up to six volumes.

No, I'd never heard of it, either.

Now I'd have thought that if the paper were that important ("Australian scientists must know these recent basic discoveries in physiology !"), Pavel would have included a PDF. But no, "all rights are transferred to [publisher]" which is complete bollocks because we all send our manuscripts to our friends. Never mind, he's included a link but looky here:

If you're not a subscriber, you may purchase a pdf of the article for $25. However, if you would like to read it online you can become a member of [parent society], and you will receive a subscription to the journal for $40.

Oh. Perhaps there's an abstract I can read, and you know, Dumitru, surely you could have included that at least? Oh well, let's have a larf and look at the website. Here's the abstract:

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Somatic tissues degeneration

Dumitru Pavel

The variable metabolic activity of somatic cells perpetually produces the physiological variation of blood flow volume into the systemic venous circulation, which becomes an intrinsic stimulating factor for the functional activity of systemic venous system and atrium and right ventricle. Hence, the carbon dioxide resulting from the biochemical processes of the cellular metabolism, produces the variation of blood volume pressure into the systemic venous circulation (due to PCO2 variation), and reaching the right atrium and ventricle, excites the sympathetic nerve fibers of the right side of the heart, and its specialized nerve center found in the central nervous system involved in the physiological stimulation of the right side of the heart. Also, the amount of oxygen carried from the lungs (which is conditioned and directly proportional to the variation of venous CO2 gradient value from the systemic venous circulation), on reaching the left atrium and ventricle, excites the sympathetic nerve fibers of the left side of the heart and its specialized nerve center from the central nervous system involved in the stimulation of the left side of the heart. In the pathogenesis of cancer there is only one causal factor. This etiologic factor for all forms of cancer is the same (critical decrease in the intensity of cellular metabolic activity), and it is only the conditions for the occurrence of neoplasia that differ. The intensity of cellular metabolic processes is the mechanism that determines the normal cell differentiation and proliferation from the multipotent stem cell to the completely differentiated mature cell also it maintains the cellular energy homeostasis.

Somehow, I don't think I'll be forking out to read the remaining sixteen pages, despite his guarantee "that you will not regret if you read this original article. I need to mention that the paper has essentially been improved. Also, I guarantee that I will refund your money if you are not satisfied."

Riiight. That's convinced me.

But before I consign the email to electronic oblivion, I'd like to mock mercilessly the brainless boilerplate legalese that is becoming far too common these days:

This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to which they are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify the sender or the system manager.

You see, someone obviously hasn't been reading my own disclaimer.