"And as another lecture approaches,
Our brief encounter comes to a jolting halt –
Disillusioning my thoughts and
Suspending my fantasising for another day
Packed neatly away
Between text-books and course readings..."
***
Coffee
You looked at me,
Your eyes sparkling in the morning sun.
In that moment I thought about all the other times –
The times when I’ve thought about you,
The times when I’ve thought about us together,
The times when I’ve wanted you.
You sat there
Smiling through burnt coffee
That tinged your breath with bitter ecstasy
As we mulled over world affairs.
But all the while my conversation hid
My true feelings; feelings that gorge
Even after the last drop leaves your lips.
I want to be your coffee
Pecking with savoury exoticism,
Brushing your lips with delight
As I swirl about your tongue.
Never sweet, never too bitter –
Leaving my scent on your breath
As you wind through another hectic day
Frantic and shackled by impending deadlines.
Let me be your escape…
You speak of your travels, your family, your past loves.
Where do I fit in your picture?
Let me etch my history on your mind,
Leaving my marks on your body.
Tell me all about you –
With each detail I fit one more piece
Into a jigsaw of fantasy,
Constantly playing its
Unending scripts in my mind.
And as another lecture approaches,
Our brief encounter comes to a jolting halt –
Disillusioning my thoughts and
Suspending my fantasising for another day
Packed neatly away
Between text-books and course readings.
Regret fills my mind
For all the thoughts I have to say
But don’t have the confidence to speak.
I want to tell you –
But fear that all we have to share
Is coffee on bitter winter mornings.
***
The second part of my series on campus romance is dedicated to the unrequited crush, the not-to-be-love-interest and the forever-solo-fantasy-pining-moments on campus. I have been a long sufferer of the crush-over-coffee; as the poem above (written in 2003) demonstrates.
In that particular circumstance, the object of my affection was a Harry Potter look-alike British postgraduate student, who despite doing a Masters in Business Management, was a worldly commentator on international politics, human rights and legal justice. *Sigh*, my own Mr Darcy…
It wasn’t all misery and unrequited passion however. It was a case of the stars being out-of-alignment (I wasn’t single when he had a crush on me, he wasn’t single when I had a crush on him). But in the couple of years he was at uni, we developed a very strong friendship that continues today, despite him returning to the UK last year. (A friendship that was slightly complicated after a drunken pash we had at one party. Unfortunately, nothing came of it except for a creative burst of song and poetry writing. Ah, heartbreak is good inspiration.)
Through my sociological observation, if you come to uni, I suggest you prepare yourself. You are likely to develop crushes on at least one of the following categories of people on campus:
(a) The International Student
(b) Your Tutor/Lecturer
(c) The Popular Guy/Girl Who Apparently Has It All
The International Student
I think I’ve seen this happen so many times that I’m convinced it’s a university truism: you can’t help but fall madly for international students. They are enthusiastic, brave travellers who come ‘across the seas’ to study at Sydney, usually for 6 months or a year. If you’re lucky, they may even be here for their entire degree.
For the tragic love-lifers among us, it seems International Students are some universal plan to make our love life even more tragic. There always comes the day when that International Student has to go home and all that you have left is another overseas contact to visit when you're 50, have paid off your HECS debt and can actually afford to travel.
I know one couple who dated for three years and had to split because the International Student partner couldn’t get permanent residency at the end of his degree. I know someone who almost jeopardised a five-year relationship because they became so bedazzled by an International Student who was here for a few short months. I know someone who almost turned straight after the International Student he went head-over-feather-boa-heels for, went home. Ah yes, International Students have some eerie sort of magic charm about them…
Tutors/Lecturers
You will almost certainly develop a crush on one of your tutors or lecturers. That is a promise. When you find yourself taking down every single word uttered by your lecturer, and then emailing them after lectures to ask more questions, know you’re in trouble!
I remember I developed a crush in first year on one lecturer who just seemed so cool for a middle-aged, married new father. That’s the worrying aspect of these crushes; they don’t often seem apparent at first glance. Rather, they creep up on you and hit you in the back of the head like a book that’s fallen from the top shelf of a Fisher Library aisle.
Particular lecturers/tutors to look out for include those have recently published a book you read in the holidays. Published and widely-read academics are instantly attractive. Particularly amongst those of us that have soft spots for nerds and geeks-at-heart.
The Popular Girl/Guy Who Apparently Has It All
S/he is intelligent. S/he is convincingly outspoken. S/he is gracious and friendly. S/he finds plenty of time to be social and involved in campus life, whilst maintaining fantastic marks. S/he is attractive, without showing that s/he knows it. S/he always speaks to the quieter ones in class and makes sure they feel included. S/he exudes confidence with every mannerism.
You know the ones I’m talking about. Little more has to be said besides, *breathes deeply*, mmmmhhhh.
What other types have people found irresistible objects of bittersweet affection?
Comments
Hey Ghassan,
You are right. I have crushes on three people right now who all fit those categories. It's a pity my Psych lecturer is married with children...it's even more of a pity that I know i'll never have a chance with mr Boy who has it all!
Posted by: Sophie C | May 9, 2006 05:20 PM
Hehe, thanks for posting Sophie. I think we should start a 'club and society' for fellow unrequited crushers like ourselves.
Have you talked to Mr Boy Who Has It All? Sometimes I find that helps. You might find something really irritating about him and therefore have a good reason to stop fantasising about him. Alternatively, he could indeed be perfect, and talking to him will just send you into depression. Maybe you should just ask him for a coffee?
Posted by: Ghassan | May 10, 2006 10:27 AM
Amen to this post Ghassan! My affliction is of the tutor variety - although wanting the unattainable is half the fun ;) It makes a strong motivation to turn up at bio each week, for sure!
Posted by: Nicole | October 14, 2006 01:23 AM