Hey. You there! Yes, you with the desk covered in summary notes, the fridge full of chocolate, the blistered-up writing fingers. You, with your bloodshot eyes. I know you’re “crazy busy” right now, and you’re probably only thinking about Inner Journeys and why Thutmose II was a useless excuse for an Egyptian pharaoh. That’s fine, that’s cool, because the HSC exams are very important. I certainly don’t want to distract you from your study.
OH WAIT A MINUTE. YES I DO.
When I talk to people in the real world (i.e. people who have jobs, mainly) they sometimes impart the following ‘wisdom’ to me: “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” [Great, so what am I doing at uni then?]
Anyway, if I had to come up with a similar piece of advice for Year 12 students (aw, come on, just indulge me and pretend that someone asked my opinion), I would say this: it’s not what you know, it’s how you write it.
Yes, I’m going to ask it straight out: HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT PENS?
I only ask, friends, because I worry. I worry that some of you might be considering jumping headlong into your first English exam in a matter of days armed only with a head full of quotes and a hand full of Bic. It’s not a matter of quantity. It’s not just about making sure your biros don’t run out of ink. No — your pens say more than you think they do.
Let me explain.
The Staedtler Tri-Colour Explosion of Anal-Retentiveness
^^ Maybe you’re a Staedtler aficionado. That’s ace! Because these pens say efficiency. They say, “No mess, no fuss, I’m just going to chill in your backpack / pocket / desk drawer and never leak because I am a loyal and steadfast labourer.” In my years of experience I’ve never had one of these guys leak. Or run out for that matter. But that’s probably less to do with their amazing never-ending ink supply, and more because I lose pens like Tara Reid loses her dignity. That is, often.
But what has this to do with control freakish attention to detail, as my title suggests? The thing is, you can buy these pens in a three-pack. One black, one red, one blue, like in the photo. Now, if you are one of a small percentage of students, you see that pack and you think — what? You think “Wow! Now I can write my essay in black, my quotes in blue and my punctuation in red!” I’m not kidding. I’ve seen it done.
If you’ve made it this far through life having cultivated such bizarre habits, I’m not going to try and convert you. I mean, I think such an obsession with aesthetics might be interpreted by the examiners as a lack of care about the content of your essays. But hey — I’m sure our advertising executives have to come from somewhere, right?
The Uni-Ball II Exercise in Wishful Thinking
^^ Nice name for a pen. Because at Uni, you will have a ball! So use this pen if you want to channel your subconscious into thinking about the good times ahead of you, times when you won’t be constantly in a state of procrastination or stress-frenzy, and you’ll be able to enjoy all the stuff we write about on this blog.
(Of course, it’d be more enjoyable for your subconscious if there was a Schoolies-Beer-Beach-Ball II pen... probably wouldn’t have the same effect on your marks though.)
The “Tagging a train seat is just a postmodern interpretation of the traditional essay” Sharpie Experiment
^^ In short, for the dedicated graffiti pros amongst us. Imagine how many exam booklets you’ll be able to fill when you’re getting three words to a line — you’ll freak out fellow classmates with your pace (oh wait, it’s probably also to do with the switchblade hanging out of your pocket...) You can refine your style for that long summer break when you wait for your stellar results.
The Electric Kool-Aid Highlighter Test
^^ Oh Stabilo Boss — where would cramming students be without your technicolour hues? In a world of grey. A world of grey. Who says exam essays must look like Australian TV before 1975? Bring back the funk and take an eye-catching dive into the world of Dorothy, post-tornado.
You never know, maybe the person marking your paper will lose their mind through some sort of fluoro-induced seizure and give you top marks for filling their brain with sunshine. Maybe.
It’s important stuff, guys. Give it some thought. What does your pen say about you?
Comments
Not only does your pen speak volumes about you, i would even say that how you hold your pen is just as important.
It was during my HSC that i discovered my Year 3 teacher failed to show me the correct way to hold a pen, and consequently those 3 hour english exams caught up with me.
So now, i still write with a weird grip but at least i no longer have to write essays for 3 hours straight!
Posted by: Keren | October 19, 2006 05:39 PM
Pens? Oh Cath, this generation are writing their essays by SMS. ;-)
Posted by: Ghassan | October 19, 2006 11:46 PM
While i am dissapointed you didnt take the last possible chance ever in your uni life to attend oktoberfest. i applaud the article as pens are mighty important. i believe the important number is 3. good things come in 3's and so do pens. also way to make my pen run out of ink yesterday it was perfectly fine. until you touched it.
and those germans. man they can throw a party.
ciao.
Posted by: robbie | October 20, 2006 02:05 AM
Oh Cath, how I love a good stationary analysis. You and me should go and hang at Officeworks sometime.
Posted by: Jo | October 20, 2006 08:13 AM
Oh.
My.
God.
Staedtler Medium Point Blue Pens rock my world. Cath, you may just be my favourite person in the entire world. A blog dedicated to pens???? You have appealed to the geek within us all.
P.S. A tip for all HSC students: if all else fails, head to Officeworks. The neatly organised mega-aisles, the flags on the trolleys, and the absurdly diverse (but totally necessary) range of post-its combine to make the oasis of calm that this stationery mecca is.
Posted by: Lauren | October 20, 2006 11:01 AM
What about grip though? WHAT ABOUT GRIP?! Your middle/ring finger really starts to hurt after a 2 hour exam if there's NO GRIP.
The best pen in the world bar none that i just discovered this year is the uni laknock. Wow, i just realised what a silly name it has but nonetheless, awesome pen.
Good luck y'al
Posted by: asako | October 20, 2006 01:23 PM
Ok, so yes I am procrastinating. But i'm all for the Freebie pens. You know, the ones with drug names plastered all over them (no... the legal kind, like "lipitor" ) and the ones you steal from hotel rooms, and the random ones you get in showbags, or that just turn up in the bottom of your backpack from who-knows-where...
And the best ones are the ones the people (no doubt in sheer exasperation) leave under the benches in lecture theatres because they just couldn't manipulate their body in the required manner to squeeze under the bench and retrieve it. Yes, for the truly cash strapped student, there is no better feeling than seeing said pens on sale in Officeworks for $5.99 and thinking "haha! I got it for free!"
Posted by: Megan | October 21, 2006 07:56 PM
I knew it. Stationery fiends unite! If I wasn't finishing uni at the end of this semester (the joy! but the horror! the joyous horror!) I would totally start up an Officeworks Appreciation Society. We could duck over Parramatta Road in our lunchbreaks and revel in the fluorescent lighting and the bleached white goodness of Reflex. Aaaaahhh....
Posted by: cath | October 23, 2006 04:05 PM
my favourtie blog.
ever.
i'd go to school forever if it meant a legitimate excuse to splurge on officeworks at the start of every year.
Posted by: Estella | December 29, 2006 02:45 AM