Today I had a job interview, and they asked me to do the weirdest thing for it.
“Prepare a three minute speech on one of the following topics:
i) Why yellow is the greatest colour ever
ii) Why crayons are better than pencils
iii) Why everyone should grow a beard”
Here’s what I came up with...
Before I begin, I think it’s only fair that we add the second most important facial hair group into this list, that being the Moustache. And three minutes isn’t enough time to even begin giving sideburns the fair argument they deserve, so I think we should just stick to the mouth region.
To begin with, there are the obvious perks: looking older and infinitely more sophisticated than you really are, and the all-year-round seasonal bonuses including a provider of warmth in winter, and protection from the sun in summer of the more delicate areas of your face.
You can add a completely new dimension to your look with a beard/mo. Not only do they come in all shapes and sizes, you can style or cut them to suit your tastes. You can dye them or add plaits and clips to suit your outfit or your mood, day by day. They are the perfect accessory; they will jazz up any getup or dress down any outfit with maturity and suave.
Some of the less obvious reasons for growing and keeping a beard are...
When you become rich and famous and your picture appears in magazines and newspapers, your face will never be defamed or graffitied by unruly school kids because you’ll already have the otherwise add-on facial hair!
Are you sick of constantly getting pulpy juices when you are SURE you ordered no pulp? A moustache is the perfect portable strainer. And while we’re on the food train of thought, you’ll never go hungry again with a beard! Whenever you feel peckish, trawling through your facial hair will definitely yield tasty and fulfilling results.
Beard growing is also great for the environment, which his why everyone should do it. Have you ever thought of how many water and fossil fuel resources are being wasted every day by people shaving their facial hair? If everyone in Sydney skipped one old-fashioned lather up shave, we’d have saved 1.5 million litres of water! Talk about the birth of the next water restriction campaign.
If all this still hasn’t convinced you, you might be more willing to give the ‘mo a go when I tell you that you’ll be automatically cool by being associated with such adored historical/pop culture icons as Dali, Zorro, and never rule out the possibility that you could be the next Nollsie... What more can I say?
Comments
If you ask me its a bit sexist to have one of the options as male-specific but not have one relating specifically to females.
Posted by: Ghassan | November 22, 2006 12:39 PM
are you serious? ..
**
well it does say everyONE. don't forget frida. she has the very handsome beginnings of some serious facial hair. plus, i can get plenty out of control if i try for a couple of weeks, and im sure many other european ladies will agree with me.. since im only half!
Posted by: asako | November 22, 2006 11:35 PM
WHAT ABOUT POIROT! OMG CANT BELIEVE U FORGOT
and amen to the beard being an excellent carrier
Posted by: Peter Xie | November 22, 2006 11:36 PM
A fine answer Asako! Definately some deep thinking in a cross-sexual study.
But one has to ask... Did you get the Job?
I thought i should also mention, that November is also the month of 'Movember'.
An international event where at the start of Movember guys register with a clean shaven face. The Movember participants known as Mo Bros then have the remainder of the month to grow and groom their moustache and along the way raise as much money and awareness about male health issues as possible.
Did you know that more males die of prostate cancer than females die of breast cancer every year?
Many of the (lovely) boys in engineering are brillant supporters of Movember.
for more info: http://www.movember.com
-Winey
Posted by: Winey | November 23, 2006 12:39 AM
Petey: Sorry dearest.
Winey: Actually in the interview I DID mention movember, in my introductory paragraph no less. I don't think they appreciated it however (my interviewers were both men sans facial hair) and I didn't get the job. Actually the closest anyone in the room came to having a moustache was in fact a girl. And funnily enough she chose the same speech as me... woo!
Posted by: asako | November 23, 2006 12:50 AM
I can't believe you forgot the most obvious reason Asako! Everyone should grow a beard as it helps foster pensive productivity. A glazed look coupled with stroking of said beard increases intelligence by up to 20%.
Posted by: Davina | November 23, 2006 08:34 AM
Davina you're hilarious! I should have asked all of you guys before writing my little speech then I surely would have gotten the job..
Posted by: asako | November 23, 2006 12:44 PM
what job interview is this?
Posted by: James | November 24, 2006 03:35 PM
James: it was for a job with a company who run seminars for high school students on study tips, getting into uni, how to succeed in the hsc, etc.
That was just the first STAGE of the interview - if you didn't get culled after that, you had to present a monologue on the life and success story of Sylvester Stallone, and then if you passed THAT, you got an interview.
And before you even got there you had to FIND the place - they put the address wrong on the email so I was running from 11 to 111 Goulbourn street.. I arrived panting and sweating, not a cool look!
Posted by: asako | November 24, 2006 04:54 PM