Sydney Life

The first thing that you need to know about being a student is the best part of university life comes but once a year. Summer Holidays. Nearly 3 months to do anything you want, only limited by your imagination and of course how broke you happen to be at the time. Usually during summer I can be found in a kitchen somewhere trying to counteract the aforementioned money problem. This year however (thanks to the usyd exchange program, my previous minimum wage slave labour and a generous scholarship) my summer is the best thing ever, not to exaggerate at all.

Basically I’ve been getting myself from one side of South America to the other. From Lima Peru to Rio Brazil. A pretty cool trip if lengthy stints without electricity, showers and an abundance of mosquitoes isn’t mutually exclusive with your idea of a good time.

In the midst of my general travels I decided to make my way to Machu Picchu and the Inca Trail. For those unfamiliar with the history of the Inca civilization, (which is a pretty forgivable ignorance) Machu Picchu is the abandoned mountain city of the Inca people rediscovered about a century ago. The only way is the Inca Trail, 45 km winding path through the Mountains. That was until they put a tourist train in, transforming a 3 day hike into a 3 hours in air-conditioned comfort.

The train would have been the sensible option. But apparently when I decided to join up with a group through Peru, I’d inadvertently signed myself up for the trail. Any nerves I had were quickly calmed by our pint size mountain guide Carlos the First (there have been so many Carlos´s since that its gotten slightly ridiculous) when he began from the beginning referring to the trail as “The Inca Torture”.

So, how many Peruvian Mountain men does it take to drag thirteen pampered westerners up a mountain? Nineteen apparently. That’s how many porters we had. Plus Carlos and his loyal sidekick Doris (we´ll get to her later).

Everyone I´d met traveling that had climbed the trail before me gave me an infuriating knowing look right before they told me that the trail would teach me a lot. They were right. By the end of the first day I´d learnt that I don’t like climbing mountains. This lesson was compounded by a nasty case of food poisoning with a side of altitude sickness. A winning combination that ensured I couldn’t handle the sight of food or walk more than 100 meters up an incline without feeling oxygen deprived. An experience made only more degrading by the fact that tiny little men in leather sandles carrying what looked like twice their body weight on their backs were running past me as I struggled to even drag myself up the mountain.

Day two, it started raining (joy), just in time for the sixteen km climb up dead womans pass (ominously named if you ask me). It was the stretch that separates the men from boys, or more accurately the boys from the girls. While the lads were having a testosterone competition we ladies were content to take our time, for as far as i´m concerned 2km straight of near vertical steps (as can be found at one point) is no reason to rush.

The split left us in the capable hands (SARCASM PEOPLE, SARCASM) of Doris the assistant guide. Doris´s english skills were extremely limited, so much so that she had a pretty standard answer to just about any question you could ask.

Us - “Doris, how long until the Campsite?”

Doris - “Twenty Minutes”

One and a half hours later…

Us - “Doris, how many km´s left to the campsite?”

Doris - “Twenty Minutes”

Half an Hour Later…

Us - “Doris, which mountain are we camping on”

Doris - (Points to a mountain at least 5 or 6 km’s in the distance)
“Twenty Minutes”

One hour later…

Us - “Doris, Jenna just tripped up ahead and nearly fell of the side of the mountain”

Doris - (Smiles and nodds)
“Twenty Minutes”

After another day and a half of similar events we finally made it to the city itself. I´m still not quite sure what I found more amazing – the city of the fact that I didn´t have to walk any more. I guess it was also slightly educational, though as I like to think of myself as a philanthropist I plan to share what I learnt with the world, so you don´t have to spend 4 days sore and unshowered to benefit from the lessons. It can all basically be summed up in three main points.

1. Mountains really suck.

2. If someone shines a torch on you when you're trying to pee at night, chance are at least 4 other people are also going to shine their torches in that direction to discover what you're yelling about.

3. You can get just about anywhere in twenty minutes.