In the dark and dense recesses of my memory, recollections of a darker time bubble below my consciousness. An image surfaces - a younger me, munching on peanut butter toast and drinking tea, staring vacantly at an enormous modern history textbook on the desk in front of me. It’s hard to tell from my physical appearance, but you can tell that I was thinking ‘Gee, I can’t wait for uni. It’ll be so different - way better than school. I’ll be doing awesome subjects, I'll play my violin all the time, and I’ll be surrounded by jazz guys and guitar boys who will be, like, sooo much better looking than high school guys.”
Zooming out of my subconscious, you'll find that I'm still eating peanut butter toast and drinking copious amounts of tea. But if you look closely at my expression, you might notice that my eyes betray the weariness that comes with the burden of wisdom, so far removed from the happy-go-lucky HSC student of the past... OK, so I'm full of rubbish. But as it's my job to inform and entertain, I've collected some of the most common misconceptions about 'Con life'... If I've missed any good ones, let me know!
Delusion The First: All males at the Con are talented, sensitive, wildly attractive, and straight. Especially if they are jazz musicians, or play the guitar.
Before I totally annihilate this delusion (metaphorically speaking), I will admit that there ARE guys at the con who are talented, sensitive, and wildly attractive - some even on par with, say, Gael Garcia Bernal. Unfortunately for me their sexual orientation tends to be more ‘Bad Education’ than 'Motorcycle Diaries'. This general rule (talented, sensitive, attractive, gay) applies to all, be they guitarists, or jazz musicians.
Delusion The Second: All you do at the Con is play your instrument, so it’s not like you do any real work.
So wrong. This semester, I need my violin for three subjects - Orchestral Studies, my private lessons, and Concert Practice. I don’t need my violin for:
Music History 3, Aural Perception, Harmony & Analysis, Solfege, Music Technology, or Historical and Cultural Studies.
So no, I don’t get to play my violin all the time, and I was somewhat surprised to discover that I required paper and a pen on the first day… Considering also that most Performance Major students are expected to practice upward of 3 hours a day, a performance degree is a fair bit more work that most people realise.
One of my friends was asked by her new double bass teacher how much she intended to practice this year.
“Well at the moment I’m only doing an hour a day…” she said. Seeing the horrified/disgusted look on her teachers face, she hastily added “But I’ll probably work up to four hours really soon!”
The teacher’s eyebrows were somewhere in the stratosphere at ‘strong disbelief’ level “Four hours at the least.” he replied.
BUT even though I’ve made it sound like some kind of hell where pale, sunken-eyed students occasionally emerge from the airless practice rooms crying “No more F sharp major scales! I can’t take it any more!” it’s actually not that bad. If the air-con in your practice room breaks down, you can always do as the guitar boys do and practice in the Botanical Gardens! Not only is this great for your sound, it’s also not bad for your wallet - leave your case open in front of you, and a few dollars from confused tourists is almost guaranteed…
Delusion The Third: Everyone is a total music nerd.
But for one word, this one wouldn't be a delusion at all. It kind of goes without saying that everyone at the Conservatorium is a "music nerd" at some level. But most people have limits.
I, for example, would never, ever, ever, ever pass a Music History 1 test. Call me simple, but I cannot tell the difference between Gregorian chants and I thank the patron saint of Con students every day that I chose Music History 3 over 'Chanting Music 101'.
What important lessons have been learned from this blog?
1. Con guys = normal guys
2. A performance degree requires some level of work
3. Musicians aren't always total nerds. Except for the exchange student who told me this joke last week...
"How do you know it's a singer knocking on your door in the middle of the night?"
"Because she can't find the key and has no sense of time!"
Ka-boom CHING!