Sydney Life

In the vast expansive ocean of the Sydney CBD, it’s easy to get lost amongst the sharks, mullets and gropers. The good ship Sydney Con is anchored smack bang in the middle, leaving its crew to explore the surrounding seas. The dangers* are great, but the rewards to be reaped** far outweigh any risks involved in our exploration. Listen closely, young ones, as Captain Liisa imparts integral information about Circular Quay’s hidden treasure and how to reach it safely…

* mainly involving dangerous flying fish and diseased carcasses
** namely, the general quaffing and merry-making that takes place in an enchanted oasis

Upon leaving the confines of that sturdy vessel, the ‘Sydney Con’, one must take care to avoid the swarms of speeding flying fish. Whilst most of these fish conform to commonly held traffic laws, some are far more reckless. The ‘4WD’ fish is a particularly foreboding specimen, and one to be wary of at all times.

Presuming you survive the underwater highway, you may think that you’re already high and dry (figuratively speaking). However, do not under any circumstances let down your guard! The foulest part of your journey has only just begun. For, if you choose the route taken by most of the Con crew, you must manoeuvre your way through the odorous Dead Ibis Island.

For reasons unbeknown, some kind of zombie plague has clearly riddled the ibis population near the Con. Decaying ibises abound, and if you’re not careful, you WILL catch their disease, and not in the kind of pretty Ben Lee way. Think more along the lines ‘Black Sheep’ – if one of these ibises (or “ibae”, one bassoonist claims) infects you, you will turn into a garbage-crazed societal menace with rather dirty underarms.

Gentle reader, if you have made it this far, you are practically in the clear. There are now only a few fishy bypasses to navigate until you are swimming in the clear, warm waters of… the oasis. The Oasis (so called by certain first-year double bassists) goes under many aliases. Officially, it is ‘The Paragon’ – the ‘Paz’ to its friends – and it is conveniently located about two seconds from Circular Quay station, and right next door to McDonalds.

Like clownfish in anemone, warthogs around a watering hole, or five-year-olds at a Wiggles concert, you are pretty much guaranteed to meet at least one Conservatorium crew-member at the Paragon at any given time. It’s our equivalent of the infamous ‘Manning Bar’ at Sydney Uni, and is a source of patriotic pride to all who have ever enjoyed a refreshing beverage within its walls.

So, if you’re over 18, have finished your exams, and want to meet a real live Con student, make the journey! Monday and Tuesday nights are always good, largely due to the $10 meal deal. I would recommend the Chicken Parmagiana, but not if you’re on any kind of diet. If you’d like to meet a real live Con student while listening to some actually playing their instruments (a rarer occurrence than you’d think, guitar majors excluded), come by from 6-9 on a Friday night for live funk and general merry-making.

If you want to meet the entire population of the Sydney Con, come down on a Friday night after an orchestra concert! It’s Bruckners Fourth Symphony this Friday – see you at the oasis!