Sydney Life

When one attends University in a building strongly resembling a castle replete with dungeon rooms on every floor (more than any other Conservatorium in Australia, I am informed), one expects weird and wonderful things to happen with alarming frequency. Perhaps it is this perpetuated expectation that leads all the weird and not-so wonderful things that occur to go by either completely unnoticed or else linked to fiercely outrageous conspiracy theories.

The most recent of these occurred last week, when, much like the poor puppet pals in that infamous YouTube video , my leisurely practice-room patrol was disturbed by a mysterious and relentless noise. Not a ticking per se, but a beeping. Was this some kind of ‘tell-tale heart’ reference for the electronic generation? A carelessly abandoned metronome? Just like any Hogwarts-schooled super-sleuth would do, I followed the sound, keeping an ear to the wall…

What I found chilled and confused me. Alongside practically every door was a square, sterile, beeping thing. Whence did they get there? And why? And how the hell did I not notice their installation? Amongst the theories which began circulating following general awareness of aforementioned beeping:
1. They are intended to drive students wandering the hallways back to the practice room, ensuring maximum productivity
2. Akin to Manny (from Black Books) and his “doo-dee-doo-doo” card, they are intended to make us feel “plugged in” to the con.
Unfortunately, both these theories have been scrapped as the machines now appear to have ceased all beeping. But is this just to lull us into a false sense of security before they assault our ears with supersonic beeping screams? Stay tuned…

This beepy-beep-beepers are only the latest in a string of unnoticed and seemingly dysfunctional installations at The Con. Dragging our sorry bottoms out of our proverbial holiday beds this semester, what should boldly greet us at our University’s door but a giant red Aeolian harp. Not that it was immediately recognisable as a harp – the purple light it emitted in at eventide led many to believe it was a very exclusive go-go bar…We were eventually informed that the giant harp was an installation for the Festival of Light, and it was meant to play soft music as the breeze ruffled it’s plastic feathers. The fact that it DIDN’T WORK only added fuel to rumours of it’s seedy night-job.

The Dean herself actually informed me that once, during a particularly gusty night, she ran across the road to hear it making “low rumbling noises”. Sounds pretty fishy to me – if the harp hadn’t disappeared just as mysteriously only a few weeks ago, I’d swear there was something in the claim that it was Pikachu’s Sydney abode…